SQL Woes from A to Z

Ever have one of those days when you’re working with a colleague on a database issue and one of you has a fun idea that just takes on a life of it’s own?  Well, that’s exactly what happened today while we were doing some actual work.  Imagine that!  Below is what we came up with for your reading pleasure.

Many thanks to my friend, Erin, for collaborating on this fun little poem with me!

A is for the Alter that shouldn’t be run.

B is for the Backup that should’ve been done.

C is for the Cluster that flew into bits.

D is for the Data that no longer fits.

E is for the Errors we saw in the logs.

F is for the Faults that were NOT in the logs!

G is for the GO that couldn’t be found.

H is for the Heap that couldn’t be bound.

I is for the Index, non-clustered and disabled.

J is for the Job which needs that index enabled.

K is for the Kill that was run with a cursor.

L is for the Locks it caused you son-of-a… grrr!

M is for the Month I’ll never get back.

N is for the NULLS hiding in the stack.

O is for the Order By that killed my query.

P is for the Performance I needed so dearly.

Q is for the Query that we redesigned.

R is for the Ranks that are now undefined.

S is for the Select star I found in a proc.

T is for the Time that it lingered in a Lock.

U is for the Update that was lacking a Where.

V is for the Values it swiftly plopped in there.

W is for the When that was found without a Case.

X is for the XQuery we slapped in its place.

Y is for the Year as varchar, we couldn’t believe.

Z is for the Zero pad left, for which we all grieve.

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